honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
