we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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