Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
