I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
