if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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