Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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