Well apparently he's into motor boating.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Someone signed my nipple.
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