so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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