I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
