Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
