Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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