You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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