So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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