When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
