You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
