You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
