We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
