the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
