yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
