worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Acid is not a monday night drug
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
