dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
