Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm like, not good at living.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
