found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
