Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
