Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
