pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
