what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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