today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
