i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
