When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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