My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
