I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
