At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
