And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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