Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
