All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
