Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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