Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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