My underwear smells like fireworks.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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