it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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