Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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