do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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