I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
