I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
