Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
