Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
