The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
