Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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