and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
