You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
