whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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