She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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