i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
